There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
