we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
