i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
