i don't plan on having that self control this summer
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize