i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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