I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize