You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize