is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
