You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
