Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
