what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
