bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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