Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
