Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
