You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
