So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
