We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
