Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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