This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
