I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
