hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize