dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
