Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
