Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
