thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
