Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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