I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
