I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
