i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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