Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Come see our sink grown plant.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
