i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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