At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
