too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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