Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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