there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
