But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
