dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
