Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
