so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
