Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
