My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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