you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
