She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
