It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
