I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize