This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
