I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
