i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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