every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize