if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
