He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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