I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
