I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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