Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize