I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
