She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
