Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
