the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
