She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
