The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
