remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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