Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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