Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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