I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
