she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
