i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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