flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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