Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
