No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
