how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize