I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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