I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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