shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
