He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
