Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
