I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize