if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
