K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
