WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
