Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
