Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
