1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This house was built for laser tag.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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