Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
