How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
