If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think I sprained my soul last night
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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