I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize