I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish my penis had an off switch
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think my fart just growled at me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
