My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
my poor anus
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
