So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
