well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
