in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
