you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
