I just saw a hot homeless man
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
