I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
