She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
