we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
