dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
