so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
