my room smells like sperm. sweet.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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