where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
