Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
