More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
