I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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