i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
